What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
