I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
