I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
