u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
