It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
