You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize