Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
