He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
