i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
