oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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