somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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