Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
