I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
