you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
