The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
