let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
