I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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