I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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