but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
