I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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