We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
