I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize