My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Damn victory sex feels great
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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