Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
