Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
