If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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