i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
