im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
