Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
