Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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