my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
