I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
