haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
