you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize