I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
