Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
