I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
