Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need a burrito and a hug.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
