you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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