remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
