He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
