screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
being pregnant is like rehab
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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