It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize