I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
