Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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