it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize