I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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