I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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