he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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