Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
