i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
