I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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