who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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