Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You made out with two different species that night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
