I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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