when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
