Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
