I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
