He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
