I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im on a boat
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