Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
