I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
