Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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