there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
