did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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