Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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