you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drake has all the answers
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize