Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just tell him i said nine months
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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