My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
