I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
