So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
