i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize