that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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