PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
