You just made me feel so damn special
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
