I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
whose parrot is this?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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