If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Girls should come with a carfax report
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
