Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
